1. “We’ll do it our way.”

You’ve been planning your wedding for months if not years and the tiniest detail is taken into account. Too bad that all too frequently, the people you hire to help carry

out the plans are oblivious to what you want. When Mary Jane Shroyer of Decatur, Ga., arrived at the church on her wedding day, she found that the L shaped white bouquets she

had requested had somehow become Christmas tree shaped arrangements of big pink lilies and red flowers. The bride had also ordered a single rose for placement at the altar in

remembrance of her newly deceased grandmother and a corsage for her husband’s stepmother, wanting her to feel included as one of the family. The florist brought the wrong

flower to recognize the grandmother and omitted the corsage completely.

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How to avoid mistakes like that one? Jean Picard, a Ventura, Calif., wedding advisor suggests checking affiliations with groups like the affiliation of Bridal

Consultants whose members are wedding planners, videographers and caterers, the Leading Caterers of America and the American Disc Jockey affiliation.

2. “The groom may kiss the bride and pay the kickback.”

Need help picking a florist, caterer, photographer or entertainer? Wedding planners and others will be all too happy to offer a list of suggested vendors. But do not

think they are doing you a favor. More frequently than not, insiders admit, the businesses that pay the highest price are the ones who get the referrals.

That’s right: kickbacks. How does it work? David Danielson, executive chef of catering at Rockefeller Center in New York, says most places have a “preferred” list of

caterers. In many cities, he adds, if a person wants to bring in a caterer not on the list, the caterer has to purchase a license to serve in that building, at the expense of the

client.

In order to get on such a list, a business must pay an yearly fee “in the range of $300 to $500,” says Alan Fields, co author of the bestselling wedding guide “Bridal

Bargains” or pay a 5 10 commission. “People who do not want to pay money are not on the list,” says Fields. Many caterers go more, as indicated by Danielson, and volunteer

to manage the vendors for the client. “You’re paying a 17 20 service charge on something they could have to do anyway,” he says.

3. “We’ll nickel and dime you to death.”

Allison Gouin reserved her reception site in the Detroit suburbs well before her wedding 17 months before, to be exact in the hopes of keeping away from surprises. After all, a

friend had supplied her own cake and champagne at her wedding and was afterward charged $1.25 per person for each item as a serving fee. But when Gouin ordered bench covers at $2

each from a rental company, she learned only after the fact that if she wanted them ironed and tied onto the chairs, it could cost her $2 extra per bench. She also discovered

that there were extra per person charges for napkins and tablecloths. It is common sense to go through your wedding contract with a fine tooth comb, but it is wiser to look

for anything not in the contract. Package contracts may not include every dish or part of flatware, or the waiters to pour the champagne you bought. The things and services not

included are rarely free.

4. “Believe it or not, I expect a tip.”

Gone are the days when a tip was an acknowledgment of superior service. More frequently than not, vendors involved in the wedding will be looking for many kind of handout.

According to The Knot, a wedding planning website, anybody from the civil ceremony official to the chef to the wedding planner may be looking for a donation. “While tipping

is for good service,” says Knot co founder and editor in chief Carley Roney, “people also expect it unless service is very poor.” For a wedding of $25,000, Roney recommends

setting on the side $1,500 for gratuities to be put in envelopes on the wedding day.

5. “If it is for a wedding, it will cost you 30 more.”

You may Suspected That a wedding costs more than any other kind of likewise scaled event. You could be right. Diane Warner, author of “How to Have a Big Wedding on a

Small Budget,” tells of a bride to be who wanted to test this hypothesis for herself. “She called a service in San Francisco, asked for just what she wanted, and they gave her a

bid,” Warner explains. “The next day, she had her fiance call and bid on the same things for a party. He got a lower price.”

In researching Bridal Bargains, Fields and his wife spoke to some number of florists who told them that if they get the sense a bride has big bucks, they will propose exotic or out

of season flowers. “If you are wearing a big diamond ring or your fiance is a doctor, it looks you have to fly in orchids from Hawaii,” he says.

6. “We can not keep our weddings straight.”

“A bride wants to think she’s the only bride in the world,” says Gerard Monaghan, president of the affiliation of Bridal Consultants. “What she does not have to see is another

bride in the bathroom at her wedding reception.” But wedding pileups happen, particularly at hotels and catering halls that hold some number of receptions in one day. Many weddings

may also cause a place to spread its staff too thin.

Chris Cady of All Star Entertainment in Reno, Nev., arrived to emcee a reception some years ago and found that the hotel had set on the side only one waitress to serve 150 people.

“The one girl showed up and cried,” Cady says.

“When a place does two functions per day per weekend, it is a wedding factory,” says Lynn Broadwell, co author of the resource book “Here Comes the Guide.” “Mistakes will

be made.” She says a wedding reception can be bounced in favor of a bigger function, gifts can get mixed up, guests can end up at the wrong party, or the wine meant for one

reception can end up at the one down the hall. “You have to ask, ‘Am I going to see the people from the other function? Are we going to be rubbing elbows? Are we using the same

bathroom facilities?’ And you have to have it in writing.”

7. “We own your wedding pictures in perpetuity.”

It costs thousands of dollars to hire a wedding photographer, and it does not stop there. Want a simple 8×10 reprint? You could well pay up to $40, since many photography

packages do not include negatives. Many photographers refuse to turn over their negatives till ten years or more Passed To prevent their clients from reproducing pictures

on their own. Others will sell them only at a high price. That is only a problem, of course, if you are lucky enough to have pictures of your wedding in the 1st place. On occasion

photographers are no shows, on occasion negatives are damaged or lost.

How frequently does such a catastrophe happen? Frequently enough to Inspired An insurance product called Weddingsurance, underwritten by the Fireman’s Fund. The policy supposedly

will cover the reassemblage of the wedding party as well as travel, meal and hotel costs, also as costs for the cake, flowers and reception hall in case of a photo

mishap.

8. “This is the 1st time I have ever used a video camera.”

How do you know if it is the next George Lucas you have hired to shoot your wedding or Ed Wood? “If someone Charged $800 for a wedding on a Saturday, I’d be suspicious,”

says Jack O’Brien of Video Life Productions in Middletown, N.Y. The high end digital equipment that a professional videographer should use costs tens of thousands of dollars

too much to justify package prices under $1,000.

It’s also vital to hire someone who will let you have the digital master tape, also to the VHS copy. “Anyone who holds a VHS tape in their hands thinking they are

going to show it to their grandchildren is mistaken,” says O’Brien. He recommends transferring the tape from the digital master to a DVD.

Then there is the question of who owns the footage. On many contracts, it’s written that any and all footage becomes the copyrighted property of the videographer’s business.

So what can a couple do if an unscrupulous or unknowing videographer tries to sell a hideously embarrassing moment on their tape to, a TV blooper show? “They could have a

right of privacy assert, so it could surely be a mistake,” says Lisa Alter, a New York entertainment and lawyer. “But theoretically, if you own it, you may be able to do what you

want with it.”

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9. “No matter how you slice it, the cake is overpriced.”

Wedding cakes used to be easy. Three tiers, white icing, a couple hundred bucks. These days, you may be able to order a cake “sculpture” with individually crafted garlands of sugar

flowers. Prices, too, have gotten more complicated, ranging anywhere from 75 cents to more than $20 a slice. The problem is, nobody can agree on how big a “slice” is. What could happen if

that $10 part of cake is paper thin?

10. “While you give the toast, we are to get toasted.”

When Michael Sullivan and his wife, Suna, got married in Kenwood, Calif., two years ago, they were in the mood to celebrate. Unfortunately, so was their DJ. He arrived

some number of hours before the reception with a friend and began drinking. “When it came time for him to play the music, he was totally blasted and apparently on drugs,” says

Lesley Stein, one of two photographers at the event.

Sullivan says the music was lousy, the DJ missed his cues for the father daughter dance and the cake cutting and guests left early. “It was really evident that it wasn’t fun

for many of people,” Sullivan says. “He really ruined the day.”

“I teach many people who got into the business because they thought they may make many of money fast by having quote unquote fun,” says Shelby Tuck Horton of Exquisite

Expressions & Events in Mitchellville, Md. “Those people tend to take the job less seriously, and they do not follow the same rules.”